Spock Fic
by Nia Was Here
Summary: Three vignettes about Spock, inspired by questions that came up while watching various episodes of Star Trek:TOS. Gene Roddenberry or mayhap someone else owns Star Trek. In any case: I don't.
1. Chapter 1: YoungSpock

**Chapter 1**YoungSpock

YoungSpock, about to leave for school, is accosted by his mother.

"Hunny Bunny- you've got a little schmutz,"

she gets a hold of her son's head, licks her thumb-

"-hold still, baby-"

-and proceeds to rub the schmutz from his face.

"There-all clean!"

YoungSpock blinks up at her.

"But Mother, is my face not dirtier now that you have smeared your spittle on it?"

YoungSpock's mother closes her eyes and counts to ten under her breath.

"the inside of a woman's mouth is a filthy place, Mother."

She shakes her head, and continues counting, towards one hundred.

"A woman's mouth is a Petri dish for disease-causing pathogens."

YoungSpock's mother chuckles.

"Oh, Hunny Bunny, you are adorable!" she pinches YoungSpock's cheeks and plants a hard, lipstick-y kiss on his forehead.

"Now be a good boy, make good choices, play nice with the other children, listen to your teachers, and don't forget: Mommy loves you!"

And she sends her son off to school.


	2. Chapter 2: One Night Spock

**Chapter 2**One Night Spock

"I've wanted this for so long, Mr. Spock,"

Sigh.

"you can't imagine how long I've been waiting"

"We started working together three years ago, we consummated for the first time 7 hours ago, so I estimate that at some point in the interim, most likely in the first month after we met, you began to develop your affection for me."

Sigh.

"That's about right."

Sigh

"I guess you can imagine. I've always desired to be closer to you, but last night, when you called me to your room and told me to take off all my clothes and assume the position- that's when I knew it was love."

Cough.

"yes, well… it is now very late in the morning, and there's work to be done, so…"

"Do you love me, too, Mr Spock? I can't just leave off here, not knowing. Tell me."

Cough.

"Clean yourself up and get dressed- your shift began an hour ago."

Gasp.

"Mr Spock?"

"I am still your superior officer, and I still won't stand for idleness from red shirts, and I won't stand it from you, regardless of the thunderous nature of your thighs."

Sigh.

"Fine"

Shuffle, scuffle, kafuffle.

"Mr Spock, you make it very difficult to keep my clothes on when you keep undressing me with your eyes."

"I am doing no such thing. I am not one of Plato's children."

Sigh.

Shuffle, scuffle, kafuffle.

"how do I look, Mr Spock? Do you think I look pretty?"

Cough.

"your facial features are mostly symmetrical, you have clear skin, a pink tongue, bright eyes, average body temperature, adequate body mass index, good stamina, laudable flexibility, hair and make-up in keeping with what seems to be fashionable right now…"

"That's all very well, but do you think I'm pretty?"

Cough.

"you are a fine, typical specimen of a fertile human female."

Sigh.

"typical."

"not typical-remarkable. Remarkable in ways… that I cannot explain."

Sigh. Smile. Shuffle, scuffle, kafuffle. Kiss, kiss, exit.


	3. Chapter 3: BlogSpock

**Chapter Three**BlogSpock

Spock On: Philosophy

I've decided that I don't appreciate Dadaism. "If logic begats suffering and violence, live illogically". To use logic to justify the rejection of logic is not only illogical and hypocritical, but evidence that logic will prevail above all.

LLAP

Mr Spock

Spock On: Honesty

The Captain returned to the bridge from shore leave, and no sooner had he sat down he jumped up again.

"Someone's been sitting in my chair!" he hates for people to sit in his chair. "the seat's still warm! Who sat in my chair?"

He behaved like a barbarian trying to figure out who had been sitting in his chair while he was gone. He accused Sulu, then Chekov, then Uhura, and those three other people who work on the bridge whose names we don't know, but he didn't ask me, because he knows I know better, because I follow all the rules, even the ones that the Captian invents in fits of hysterics.

I would never sit in the Captain's chair while he was away on shore leave, let alone take a nap in it, or trim my toenails in it and stuff the clippings between the cushions, and then tell everyone on the bridge it would be unwise for them to tell the Captain; he'd never believe their word against mine. I would never do that. Still, he has a very comfortable chair.

LLAP

Mr Spock

Spock On: Staff Changes

The Starship enterprise employs approximately 430 people, but the exact number fluctuates on any given day, depending on how many security officers have died, in the field or while playing X-Treme Phaser tag (highly enjoyable, but highly irresponsible-I cannot endorse it), how many officers have gotten married, how many officers have gotten pregnant, how many officers have scorned the Captain's advances and been subsequently fire, how many officers live on the ship but don't actually turn up for work, and how many have been taken with Cabin fever and sent on vacation to recuperate. All this being said, whatever happened to Janice?

LLAP

Mr. Spock

Spock On: You Know Who

No, I am not referring to the villain in the epic novel Harry Potter and from earth's 21st century.

If you are reading this web log, you are very aware to whom I am referring, and yes, I did, as some say on earth, "hit that", but we are both consenting adults and what I do with my personal life is my own business, or rather, my own pleasure, so please fuck off about it.

LLAP

Mr Spock

Spock on: fashion

I realize that I am a tall man, and a thin man, and that Starfleet uniforms are ordered in bulk, and that it would be expensive and impractical to have each uniform tailored to fit the constantly changing staff of the Enterprise, So, when selecting my daily raiment I must forego length and comfort in favor of sexy tightness and chilly ankles, but there must be something wrong with the uniforms themselves because I am not the only one on the ship whose pants are too short.

LLAP

Mr Spock

Spock On: Spock Off

The Captain has found out that I am the one who sat in his chair. I did not tell him; I did not tell anyone, save those who read this web log, so it follows that it was one of my subscribers who told the Captain to examine the surveillance video taken of the bridge while he was on shore leave.

Faced with the evidence, I could only confess to my crime and ask that the Captain issue his justice discreetly. I know stand to receive a public spanking, as a personal humiliation (it won't work) and as a caution to anyone else thinking of sitting in the Captain's chair.

As it seems no one respects that what happens in Mr Spock's web log stays in Mr Spock's weblog, I am dismantling my web log, and now I sign off for the last time.

DLLAP

Mr Spock


End file.
